Love, Acceptance and Worth

I never realized what it was all about. Life, that is.

I really did know, at least down deep inside. Yet my days, weeks, months and years were so consumed and full that I did not take the time to really consider priorities. I was busy, really busy.

Family, church, business, and friends consumed my life. Always busy, always doing, always going. You see, this is the way it was because this is the way it was suppose to be. I had to make my mark. I had to make a difference.

I remember the home life. Being an only child certainly had advantages and disadvantages. Having a mom and dad that thought you were the perfect child was good - and bad. It was good to live in a place where you knew you were loved and respected and could do no wrong. It was good to be well provided for by parents that made sure your every need was met. It was good to be praised for good performance. I really cannot remember a time that mom and dad were not both very proud of their only son.

But it was also bad. It was bad to have to be the best. It was bad to have to be perfect. It was bad to self impose expectations that were unreal. You see, mom and dad did not impose these expectations - I imposed them on myself because that is what I knew others expected of me. I did not know it was OK to fail. Sure, everybody else did but I did not know that.

I remember the good times with family. The hunting and fishing with dad and the uncles. The Thanksgivings and Christmases with all the family gathered. The giving and receiving of presents. The visits to and from relatives. Good times, excellent times. I remember that on many occasions, I was often the little fair head child. The perfect example of what other kids should be. I remember the praises tossed my way - often and in abundance.

I remember accepting Jesus as my saviour when I was just a boy. At an early age. Eight years old. I remember never missing Sunday School and church. Sunday morning, Sunday evening, Wednesday evening, and almost every revival service. I remember Bible study in the home. I remember the family altar. I remember the times I failed and fell to my knees in repentance. I remember trying, always trying to be good, but never being good enough to suit myself.

I remember the school years. Being good was just not enough. I had to be the best. No place for anything less. I was not always the best, I just thought I had to be the best. I did not necessarily come out on top of everything I attempted, but I sure tried to. I was my worst critic. Any grade less than an A was unacceptable. Any race that was not won was a failure. Second place was never good enough.

I remember the academic honors of high school and the achievements of college. I remember making a pact with God that if he would help me with the academics, I would serve him in a better way.

I remember the AFROTC distinguish cadet achievement and the regular commission in the United States Air Force. I remember my first assignment at Travis AFB, California. I remember the daily bank visits as a finance officer. I remember meeting the girl I was to marry at that bank. I remember the promotions, the awards, the achievements. I remember California, Wisconsin, Korea, Japan, and Orlando. I remember the simultaneous day of discharge and entrance to the Master's of Business Administration program at FSU.

It was coming together. Being a red blooded American I had faithfully served my Country for five years and now I could begin the business career I wanted. You see, my life long dream was to be a successful Christian businessman that could make a mark and that people would look up to and respect. I was on track. The plan was coming together and I was on schedule.

I remember the MBA degree and the three day exam to become a Certified Public Accountant. I remember the multiple opportunities that crossed my desk. I remember leaving the CPA firm to accept a better job as controller of a growing corporation. I remember leaving the controller's job to start my own business. Real estate, direct sales, investments, multiple and frequent endeavors to turn a profit. Some failed. Some succeeded.

I remember our first home - and our second. Big, nice, the center of much activity. Now the people that said we should have a bigger home would have nothing else to say. I remember the home dedication service and all the friends that gathered. I remember the swimming pool, the hot tub, the 17 telephones, the 7 TVs, the intercoms.

I remember the day Lavonda was born and the day Andrea was born.

I remember the many trips to exotic places. I remember the shopping trips to Korea and Hong Kong. I remember the mission trips to Haiti, Russia, Thailand, China, India. I remember business trips all over the world.

I remember the countless friends that constantly gathered at our home. The time 100 plus people gathered in the game room to hear a business presentation. I remember the constant recognition and praise from friends, pastors, bankers and business acquaintances. Mr. Barineau was the one that could always get things done.

I remember the Cadillac, the Lincoln, the Mercedes, the first motor home, the first airplane, the first million dollar payday, the first multimillion dollar bank account, the first, the first, the first.

Wow! Love, acceptance and worth. Life was rich and full - and empty!

Being taught from childhood, I always believed in giving and sharing. I knew that pride was not good, but I now think I must have been proud of my ability to help people. I also was probably proud of my humility. I was more blessed by the smaller things. I remember the little lady that could not find her car at the mall, the dying bird in the middle of the road during rush hour traffic, the lady that had no finances to bury her husband, the handicapped man that had no transportation, the family that had no Christmas, the beggar that had no food...and on and on and on.

Helping and giving was a way of life. It was always a joy to give to someone in need, especially when they knew not the source of the gift.

I remember reading of men who gave large sums to the Lord's work. I always gave tithes and offerings and dreamed that one day I could give large sums like these men. I remember the year that I tithed on what I wanted to make, not my actual income. I remember when God's blessings permitted giving amounts that exceeded my biggest dream...and on and on and on.

I remember the doing. Serving on church boards at all levels of administration. Volunteering for this job and that task. I remember the countless phone calls and appointments with people seeking advice. I remember being asked to heal hurts, to make things right, even to apologize for other church leaders that lacked the courage to do so...and on and on and on.

Love, Acceptance and Worth. I was experiencing it - or so I thought.

Life couldn't be better!

And then....I remember the time. It was 8:30 AM on a Monday morning in 1993. I remember the words " Our marriage is over. I don't love you any more. I haven't loved you in years. I'm leaving."

I remember the shock, the empty home, the silence, the loneliness, the awful hole in the pit of my stomach, the sleepless nights, the agony of betrayal and desertion, the abandonment of friends and relatives, the character assassination, the half truths, the distortions, and the lies. I remember making the phone call from San Francisco upon returning from a missions trip to India, and being told I no longer have a home. My "wife" moved back in while I was away, dumped my belongings and 22 years of business records in a warehouse, told the court I no longer lived there, and got a restraining order. The wounds were so cruel.

I remember the total rejection of being replaced in my own home by my wife's new husband.

I stood in disbelief as I watched a judicial system serve as the feeding arena for ruthless and greedy attorneys. I remember the agony of seeing my reputation and life's work slowly and methodically destroyed.

I remember actually praying to die to escape the unbearable pain. I remember being at my wit's end...at the absolute bottom of the pit.

And then and there...I discovered love, acceptance and worth!

You see, my life was largely based on performance. Who I was. Who I knew. What I could do. Where I could go.

I thought I was loved for what I was able to do for people and the evidence supported my thinking. My life was filled with friends from everywhere.

I thought I was accepted because of all the good that I did for people. It certainly seemed that I was always there for someone. Helping, giving, fixing problems.

I thought I had worth because of my good deeds, my success in business and my activity in church. Certainly my time was much in demand. Not realizing what was going on, I was looking to people, positions, places and possessions to meet my needs.

And I discovered a secret - I was dead wrong!!!

I discovered that the human need for love, acceptance and worth can never be met by people, positions, places and possessions. It is utterly impossible!

I tried to have my needs met by my wife, my children, my family, and my friends. I looked to my position as a successful businessman to meet my needs. I looked to my position in the church to meet my need. I looked to my influence to meet my need. I tried to have my needs met by travel, by flying, and by participating in sporting and social events. I looked for my needs to be met by bank accounts, homes, cars, motor homes, planes, boats and other countless items of stuff.

It did not work. It never will work. The basic needs can never be satisfied by such. As soon as you get to one level, there is a need to go to another. As soon as you travel to one place, there is a need to visit another. As soon as you reach a certain milestone, there is another that must be conquered. As soon as you make a certain friend, there is a need for another. As soon as you get a million dollars, you need to have another.

Regardless of your success and accomplishments, your basic need for love, acceptance and worth can never be met outside the plan established by God.

When God created us, He placed within us these needs for love, acceptance, and worth and He formed these needs in such a way that they can only be met by His Son, Jesus Christ.

Well, I was raised in church and I knew the Scriptures. I had studied for years. I could quote much Scripture pertaining to these needs. But I never understood. I had to lose everything before I could really understand.

Most people knew us as the "perfect family." Even the local pastor stated that we were the church family that stood out as the example. Our home was always the center of activity. We were always involved. We were always doing. If a need arose, we were one of the first to be called. We were the example. My reputation was well known and respected in the church and business community. But I had to lose my reputation with many people that I considered friends before I could really understand.

During the last four years, I have literally been through hell on earth. Yet, in the midst of that storm, I have discovered a peace that simply passes all understanding. The Bible mentions it. I have many times referred to it. But, I had to reach this spot before I could really understand it.

It is such a relief to discover that the love, acceptance and worth that I have longed for is not contingent upon the things that I have held so dear. They are not contingent upon the size of my bank account, where I live, the car I drive, the friends I keep, the places I go, the people I see, the conversations I have, my church attendance, my tithes and offerings, good deeds, my influence...and on and on and on.

They are based on my true relationship with Jesus Christ. Period. Not based on what I pretend my relationship to be. Not based on what people think my relationship is or should be. Not based on what I want people to think it is.

During my deepest despair, I discovered several truths that helped me understand my relationship with Christ. Some of these were very difficult to face. One of the most difficult for me personally was when I realized that if I was going to let Christ live His life through me, I had to give up some rights that were really important to me. I had to give up the right to defend myself, the right to be understood, the right to my home, to my possessions, to my family, to my wife, to my children, to the things that I held the most dear. I had to even give up my right to life itself.

It was difficult, extremely difficult to hear others propagate lies about me and my ministry, to hear people spread gossip, to see people walk away so they would not have to speak, to read damaging statements that people prepared, and to see in print allegation after allegation that was designed to destroy me, my reputation and my ministry. It was almost more than my human system could endure to be tried in a public court, yet prohibited from even being present at the trial and being prohibited from being able to speak in my own defense.

And then I think of Jesus. What He went through. What He gave up. The lies that were told about him. The pain and suffering that He endured. The fact that He could have called 10,000 angels to His defense but chose not to.

For many years I read Galatians 2:20 without really understanding what Paul was saying: "I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me." I now understand this Scripture to say that the life that I am living is not really mine, but it is Christ's. It is not I that am doing the living, but that Christ is living through me. Therefore, since Christ is living through me, my choices and actions should line up with the Bible even if it is tough to do in the flesh.

In most instances, we are faced with choices and usually the choice involves making intelligent decisions given the facts at hand. In attempting to live according to my understanding of the Bible, I make certain choices that I believe God's Word requires of me. I choose to obey the Scripture. I choose to not be bitter. I choose to forgive. I choose to not seek revenge. I choose to let Christ live His life through me.

Like a bolt of lightning it hit me! If my life belongs to Christ, and if He is living His life through me, then the things that people do and say to hurt me are really designed to hurt Him and I just need to step aside and let him deal with the people and the circumstances in His time and in His way. Wow!

I have discovered first hand that the way of the Bible is out of step with the way of the world. Family, friends, and acquaintances often will not understand and agree. But the choice is always personal.

Friend, the bottom line is simple. God made us all with a need for love, acceptance and worth. When He created this need in you, He also created it in such a manner so that nothing, absolutely nothing but a relationship with Jesus will fulfill the need. Most of us spend our lives trying to get these needs met without resorting to the only source that can really meet the need. We tend to fill our lives with people and stuff and yet the need still persists.

I have shared this personal testimony with you and trust that God will use it to speak to your heart. Take a few moments and think what your life is all about. Who are you? Where did you come from? What are you doing here? Where are you going?

We all have an undeniable need for love. God made us that way. Take a moment and consider your need for love. How are you trying to get that need met. Are you trying to do it through people, through family, through friends, and through acquaintances. Or, are you trying some other way. The Scripture contains many comments concerning the love of God. Look at these two: "God commended his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us"...Rom 5:8. "For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord"...Rom 8:38-39. It is a fact that God loves you very very much. It does not matter who you are, where you are or what you may have or have not done. Even if no one else in the world loves you, GOD DOES!

We all have an undeniable need to be accepted. You may be the poorest person living on the street or the richest person in the largest palace. You still have a need to be accepted. Take a moment and consider this personal need in your own life. How are you trying to get it met. Regardless of what you are doing, I can assure you that your need for personal acceptance cannot be met outside the scope of God's Plan. And God's plan is that He accepts you just like you are. He says "Come unto Me, all you that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest"...Matthew 11:28. God's Word even teaches us that He considers us to be righteous when we accept His Son, Jesus. Throughout the New Testament, the Scriptures tell us that the righteousness of God is a gift from God if we believe in and accept His Son, Jesus. Look at this Scripture: "If you shall confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus, and shall believe in your heart that God has raised him from the dead, you shall be saved. For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation"...Rom 10:9-10. It does not matter about your past. If you accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Saviour, you are accepted by God as a righteous person and your future is bright.

We all have an undeniable need to feel that we have worth, that our life really has value. We all like to feel important. We like for people to look up to us. Most of us associate our worth with our accomplishments, our education, or maybe our stature in our family, in our community, in our profession, or in our church. Consider this need in your own personal life. How is that need being met? Regardless of who you are or where you are, I can assure you that this need cannot really be met without considering your worth in God's sight. The Scriptures teach us that God considers our worth so valuable to Him that He sent His only begotton Son to die for our sins. "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life"...John 3:16. God even considers us to be His heir through Christ. Look at Paul's writing in Galatians: "Now I say, that the heir, as long as he is a child, differeth nothing from a servant, though he be lord of all; But is under tutors and governors until the time appointed of the father. Even so we, when we were children, were in bondage under the elements of the world: But when the fullness of the time was come, God sent forth his Son, made of a woman, made under the law, To redeem them that were under the law, that we might receive the adoption of sons. And because you are sons, God has sent forth the Spirit of his Son into your hearts, crying, Abba, Father. Wherefore you are no more a servant, but a son; and if a son, then an heir of God through Christ"...Galatians 4:1-7. Talking about worth. To be an heir of God is as good as it gets!

So friend, if you are still searching. If, like I was, you are attempting to fulfill your need for love, acceptance and worth through your own efforts, let me suggest that you consider the only source of true fulfillment. If your need for love, acceptance, and worth, has not been met by Jesus, you can simply ask Him to meet that need and He Will Do It For You! Simply pray and ask Jesus to come into your heart, to forgive your sins, and to meet these needs that He gave you. He will do it for you just as He did it for me. Guaranteed.